Finding out your partner is unfaithful to you is not easy. However, most people would rather know for sure than be left in the dark wondering.
How do I know if my partner is cheating on me?
As a private investigator, I have many people come to me asking if I can help them find out if their partner is cheating.
And having done countless infidelity investigations over the years, I can tell if someone is hiding something (or someone) based on the below signs.
Keep in mind that these are broader signs of deceit, and while much of the time that means cheating, it can be signs of other behaviours they want to hide from you, such as gambling addiction or substance abuse.
Signs of cheating:
1. They never leave their phone out of sight.
Even in today’s connected world, our phones aren’t at our fingertips 24/7, especially when we’re at home. Cheating partners appear fixated by their phones and make sure it never leaves their side.
Cheating partners will likely have some evidence of their infidelity hidden in plain sight on messaging apps, social media orand email. They seem very controlling as they don’t want you to so much as glance at their phone, should something they don’t want you to see pop up.
2. They leave the room or go outside to take phone calls.
Being notoriously private with their phones, cheaters will often excuse themself to talk on the phone, or whisper while on a call.
And to avoid suspicion, they might do this with all or a lot of their phone conversations, so you won’t suspect anything when the person they don’t want you to know about calls.
3. They change their phone settings to increase privacy.
Do you see a common theme here?
In an attempt to cover their tracks and avoid having to answer an uncomfortable question, a cheating partner might turn off their notifications or location.
4. They change their habits.
As a couple, you will undoubtedly get used to a routine of sorts: you and your partner may go to work at a certain time, come home at a certain time, shop on particular days at specific times, the list will go on.
Should your partner’s routine change, it could be cause for concern. Perhaps they start working early or late on certain days, or volunteer to go and do the shopping alone on a weeknight when you would usually do it together on weekends.
5. Inconsistent stories
Cheaters are good at explaining their absence in the moment – It’s part of the parcel of leading a double life.
But that doesn’t mean they are able to avoid getting caught in their lies.
So if there is an inconsistency with what your partner says they are doing on a certain day and what they were actually doing on that day when you casually ask them, this may be a sign they are not telling the truth. Of course, we all get our dates mixed up sometimes, so don’t come to conclusions right away, but it might be time to investigate further if they continually give conflicting accounts of events.
6. Unusual transactions
Transactions, such as parking records, public transport fares, or toll road invoices that are out of the ordinary should raise alarm bells.
On the flip side, your partner might withdraw cash in an attempt to hide these transactions.
On one occasion, I had a client whose partner would stockpile coins. We eventually found out it was because they needed them for the parking meter when they visited their mistress, so they wouldn’t have to use their card.
7. They hide the physical signs
Perhaps your partner is doing laundry more often or suddenly offers to do laundry when they usually don’t. They could be trying to wash away the evidence they were with someone else.
8. Things go missing
Clothes you’ve become accustomed to seeing them in might inexplicably go missing or disappear and reappear in your closet weeks later.
One of my clients started suspecting their partner was cheating when they found pillows and a doona in their car. Our investigations eventually confirmed that they did it to create a more comfortable environment in the back seat…
9. They change their appearance (or put in more effort)
They might start buying new clothes more often and put on more perfume, cologne or make-up than they usually would.
10. They pay less (or more) attention to you.
While your partner paying less attention to you is often a telltale sign of cheating, as they are giving it to someone else, it is precisely for this reason that the opposite can also be true.
Sometimes, your partner may start showing you more attention. They may do this out of guilt or to keep you from suspecting anything (or both).
So, if your partner’s attentiveness towards you changes, even if it’s for the better, this should raise a flag.
So, what do you do if you suspect your partner might be cheating?
I often consult with people who suspect their partner is cheating for weeks before starting any official investigations.
That’s because hiring a private investigator is a significant step, and the more evidence you can collect, the less it will cost you for us to catch them in the act.
As shown with these signs, often, evidence of cheating is hidden in plain sight.
So if you notice any changes or inconsistencies in your partner’s behaviour, take notes. Should your partner take steps to cover their tracks, those notes can be the difference between catching your partner in the act and letting them convince you it’s all in your head.
Sense something, but can’t find proof?
We can get to the bottom of it.
Our private investigators can conduct surveillance, so you know where you stand.
We provide expert investigative services with the care and sensitivity you deserve. No matter how lost and uncertain you feel along the way, we will support you through the entire process.
For a free consultation to see how we can help, get in contact with us.
If you or anyone you know needs support, there is help available. You can contact Lifeline 24/7 by phone on 13 11 14, Lifeline by SMS on 0477 13 11 14 (12pm to midnight), or the Suicide Call-back Service 24/7 on 1300 659 467. In an emergency, always call 000.